I had a dream we were dying
Killing each other 
Feasting on the cartel carousel 

I had a dream we were dying slowly
While we had cousins in the hot part of the world
Dying quickly

I had this dream where we were losing
All hope
Through computer screens

I had a dream where our faith and our
Precious time
Was being taken away from us

I had this crazy dream we had all willingly signed up for this
Nightmare experiment
Where we became profiles

I had a dream we were files

I had a dream they’d finally figured out how to beam us away
Like in Star Trek
But it was only because we’d turned into
Digital dust and signed away
Our sacred trust.

I had a dream the mountains looked at us
And then said,
If you don’t want your souls
Give them to us
We’ll do our best.

I had a dream our hands were lost
I had a dream our hands had turned into individual functions
And each person only got one
So that a scissor man could only cut
And never paint
And a paintbrush man could never kiss
And that the singer could only be poor and beg
And the machine gun men tried to touch statues and
Feel their texture but they ended up
Destroying everything
And shooting the beautiful ones

I had a dream the machine gun men
Drowned other men alive
And burned their skin off
And laughed at the suffering they caused.
I had a dream that after all that they turned around and said to me,
We're your brothers.

I had a dream we were all talking in a big loud cacophony
And everyone only cared about what they were saying
And in the dream, I looked in a mirror and saw myself
Rotten and disgusted and disintegrated.

I had a dream that nobody cared anymore
And that even the ones who cared were cheapened and isolated
By being praised, pumped and hyped like pleasing 
Freaks in a clown show that was just about to end.

I had a dream we lived in a small cave and had only a few channels.
I had a dream everyone had their own hero and said
To hell with your hero. My hero is the real hero.

I had a dream you never really loved me
You just wanted a higher platform for your self to
Love yourself.

I had a dream I never really loved you I was just
Sharpening my sword upon you.

*

I had this dream and I woke up
And I looked in the mirror

And I saw myself
Still alive.

I saw that there was still something there 
A small, fading light
That the dream did not speak of
Or permit.

A small memory of
Purity
Residing in the wound of one of my eyes.

If it were made to bloom again
I might see a butterfly and a garden again.

As it is, I have nothing but this faint
Distant
Glimmer. So small
It’s barely a feeling
Almost just a theory.

 

In the dreadful dawn of the world I will sleep in tonight
I must make myself believe
That this small glimmer
Is worth believing in
So strongly that I let my life
Lean toward it

As the sun goes down
I must believe in
What barely seems
Possible.

 

November 16th, 2015. Hawai'i.

Source: Unoriginal Prayers for Desperate Men (Nefisa UK, 2015). Out of print